Christmas is so universally portrayed as a season of warmth, joy, togetherness and perfect family moments. We’re bombarded with images of happy families in matching pyjamas, trees laden with gifts, tables groaning with food and an atmosphere of apparently effortless harmony from early autumn. Adverts, films and social media all reinforce the idea of the ideal Christmas - cosy, connected, carefree. But for countless people the reality looks very different. And the weight of that difference can feel especially heavy in December.

The story we’re sold about Christmas can quietly and painfully amplify whatever is already difficult in our lives. When we’re struggling that contrast can feel like emotional whiplash - pushing us to compare our lived experience with a fantasy that few people actually achieve. People who find Christmas hard are not alone. The reasons are varied, deeply personal and often invisible from the outside.

The absence of someone we love feels sharper at Christmas. An empty chair at the table, a tradition that no longer happens or even just the awareness that this year is different can bring grief back to the surface. Christmas can stir memories, longing or sadness all of which are completely natural responses to loss. Being physically alone at Christmas is difficult enough but many people feel lonely even when surrounded by their family. Loneliness can come from feeling unheard, unseen or disconnected - not just from being by oneself. Watching other people post their festive gatherings can intensify the sense of not belonging or not fitting into the perfectly curated online pictures.

Christmas can bring families together but it can also highlight tensions, unresolved conflicts, relationships under strain and painful dynamics. For some family gatherings can feel like walking on eggshells or reverting to roles that no longer fit. The pressure to act as though everything is fine and the expectation to be having ‘fun’ just adds more emotional stress. From gifts to food to social commitments Christmas is also expensive. At a time when the cost of living is affecting so many of us the expectation for conspicuous expense is overwhelming. The financial strain of creating the perfect Christmas for our family can chip away at our sense of security, self-worth and emotional resilience.

Depression, anxiety, chronic pain, trauma, fatigue or long-term health conditions that we have to manage all year sadly don’t disappear for Christmas. For some the darker days and colder weather make symptoms worse. And yet the season can pressure people to put on a brave face and participate in traditions that feel exhausting and unmanageable. One of the biggest challenges people speak about in therapy is the sense of having to perform. To smile, to be festive, to join in regardless of what’s happening on the inside. This Christmas mask can be draining. Many say they feel guilty for finding the season hard, as though struggling at Christmas makes them ungrateful or difficult. But emotional experiences are not moral failings. Feeling overwhelmed, sad, disconnected or anxious at this time of year is a human response to stress, pressure and unmet expectations. If Christmas is hard for you it’s not because you’re failing - it’s because the season can be complicated and you’re doing your best in circumstances that may not be easy or kind.

How to manage Christmas when you’re struggling

Give yourself permission to feel what you really feel It’s OK if Christmas isn’t joyful! Allow yourself to feel what you feel - sadness or fatigue is actually less toxic than forcing cheerfulness. Your emotions are valid and you don’t need to apologise for them to anyone.

Set boundaries that protect your wellbeing Boundaries aren’t about pushing people away - they’re about looking after yourself. This might mean:

• Limiting time at certain gatherings
• Saying no to events that feel draining
• Spending Christmas in a different way than usual
• Avoiding topics or conversations that cause pain or conflict

Create your own version of Christmas Traditions can be comforting but creating new ones can be healing. This could look like:

• A quiet day with comforting food
• A walk by the sea or in nature
• Volunteering
• Lighting a candle for someone you miss
• Implementing new traditions around presents eg a limited budget, homemade or charity shop presents only, secret Santa or NONE AT ALL!

Plan small acts of self-kindness Gentle self-care might include

• Resting without guilt
• Choosing nourishing foods
• Limiting social media
• Wrapping yourself in a warm and cosy blanket and watching a favourite childhood film
• Taking time to breathe, stretch, meditate

Remember it’s just one day For some the anticipation is more difficult than the day itself while for others the day feels endlessly long. It will pass – you are not trapped in this moment forever and you are not alone. Help is out there.

24/7 services

• Samaritans Offers a free 24-hour support service for anyone who needs to talk. Call 116 123
• Shout: Provides 24/7 confidential crisis text support. Text SHOUT to 85258

Childline Offers 24/7 support for children and young people up to 19. Call 0800 1111 or use their online chat

• CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably) Provides a helpline for men who are down or in a crisis.
• NHS 111: For immediate mental health support, you can call NHS 111 and get help online.